Have you been an organist for long, and what sparked your interest in the instrument?
I’ve only been earning regular money as an organist for about 6 years. Growing up in Glenshee, I played the fiddle until about age 13 but had no more formal music tuition until starting piano lessons at the grand old age of 28. Although I enjoyed listening to organ music, it never occurred to me that I could pursue it myself, until a chance meeting while volunteering at the 2014 Commonwealth Games. Working on a “street-piano” project as a visual artist, I got talking to one of the players - a church organist. He invited me to his church and try the organ...the rest is history! At this point, I must say it is probably the most difficult challenge I ever set myself. Breaking out of old behaviour patterns to fully embrace something as complicated as this is incredibly difficult. I now teach adults (dressmaking) and have found that being both teacher and learner is extremely useful – I have much more patience, and a broader perspective on all the physical/mental processes that we take for granted as children, when everything is new. Letting go of unhelpful mindsets (particularly lack of confidence and how as adults we disguise it) is also very challenging.
What did you envisage as your future career when you left school?
I come from a very creative family, and one that is also full of teachers. I initially wanted to study architecture, but a series of unfortunate events meant I spectacularly failed all my exams! Ever resourceful though, I moved to London to get a portfolio together and a place at Art School. Realistic about the likelihood of earning a living purely as a visual artist, I then did my teacher training at the London Institute of Education. I moved to Glasgow and got work almost immediately. Always open to new experiences, I took a post in a Secure Unit for teenagers with profound emotional/behavioural difficulties, which although was extremely challenging, I enjoyed immensely. Any schoolteacher will know that behaviour is a constant concern, but in such an extreme environment it took on a completely new dimension. These children were mainly coming from a profoundly marginalised social group, and through no fault of their own had learned simply how to survive in extremely harsh conditions. As most of our behavioural and attitudinal foundations are laid within our first few years, unpicking ingrained patterns even for young adults is extremely difficult. Unfortunately, the school closed 6 years later, and I found myself in an Autism Unit with a new set of behaviours to understand. During my years there, the Scottish Education System was undergoing some re-vamping, which changed the nature of my job profoundly - not in a way that I could reconcile - so I took the plunge, resigned, and became a self-employed teacher/artist in 2013.
How do you now define yourself as a musician?
As a musician I see myself as a performer/composer, but in a practical day-to-day sense (and for tax purposes!), to me it is all art. I have skills which I use creatively to best say what I want to say, visually, musically. Having said all that, though, I’m conscious that it’s a life of continual learning and adapting. Working with sounds and music-notation instead of colours and material objects was initially quite disorientating, particularly in that music has a very different type of “duration”. However, having broken through that, I’m having a lot of fun experimenting as a composer, and the organ is such a useful tool in that process.
As you entered the organ world, did you notice the gender imbalance? Did it pose any challenges for you and, if so, how did you address them?
I grew up in a very rural area one of 5 sisters and no brothers, so as soon as I started school I became increasingly aware of different gender expectations. As a beginner organist I joined various social media groups and went to any live organ events I could. It was obvious that women were in the minority. Luckily, I also came across SWO, where I discovered a whole community of amazing supportive people and resources. Although I’ve not been able to attend as many meetings as I would like, I must mention the Adult Learners Group. As a “newbie” church organist I unfortunately experienced occasional attempts to engage me in power games, but it is perhaps my teaching experience that has given me the strength of mind to resist, and simply focus on doing my best as a musician, come what may – ultimately that is what will sustain me. Finding a teacher who was prepared to take me seriously was also quite a trawl, but perseverance has eventually paid off, and after taking occasional lessons with Andrew Forbes (Glasgow Cathedral) I’ve come on leaps and bounds.
SWO has enjoyed widespread support from both women and men, and more opportunities keep opening for women. Are you therefore optimistic about the future for women organists?
My answer to this is twofold – I recently had an extremely dismal experience as a BMus. mature student at the University of Glasgow - it was like stepping into the 1950s. A male-dominated staff group, a very powerful institution and a subject area that is already quite behind the times as far as gender-equality goes, was a very toxic combination. I found it particularly depressing coming from a teaching background myself – that the University is sold to prospective students as a pinnacle of learning/teaching excellence couldn’t be further from my own experience. Having said that, though, I found my student peers an incredible source of support and strength, who were able to deal with the challenge of learning in spite of being in such an abysmally inadequate learning environment. So, am I optimistic? As student rep for my year, I took every opportunity to highlight the problems brought to me, including writing my dissertation on gender expectations for women student composers (I used the University of Glasgow as a case-study). But I know that behaviour changes become harder as time goes on, so I’m not particularly optimistic that Higher Education is where meaningful change will happen, at least not any time soon. I am, however, extremely optimistic that there are young learners who are eager for change and have both the strength and inclination to make it happen. Sustainable change will start from the bottom up.
We are thrilled that you are now co-leader of SWO’s Directory of women composers of organ and choral music. How did you get involved with this work and why does it matter to you?
To have found a network of kindred spirits when I was enduring the grimmest of environments was an absolute game-changer. The statistics for women composers for organ are woeful, and I found the SWO Directory not only a real eye-opener, but also one that I could easily share! I’ve discovered so much since contributing to that research, and as someone committed to social justice, am delighted to have a practical outlet with which to contribute to positive social change.